A Sudden Loss

There was no warning; no outward signs of illness, no change in her diet.  She was eating well, drinking liquids.  She had no trouble walking, climbing stairs or even sitting on the furniture.  Every morning she would come downstairs for breakfast, then spend the day upstairs, and come back down in the evening when Daddy came home from work.

She would spend the evenings with us, sleeping or waiting to see what we were having for supper.  At night, she would sit on the stairs and let us know it was time to go to bed; usually being pretty vocal about it.  And she would sleep in my arms, her gentle breathing against my ear.  If I wanted her to give me kisses, I would only have to say, "kisses," and she would do so.  This was the most loving girl I have ever known.  She was soft, gentle, loving, beautiful and warm.

Without warning, she was taken from us.  We came home one night and she was lying on the carpet in front of the sofa; unseeing, unfeeling, unmoving.  In that moment, my heart broke in pieces.  This was Gypsy, the cat I have raised from a kitten, loved for 14 years and hoped to love for many more.

And I grieve.  How I grieve.  How do you deal with the loss of a beloved pet, especially when you were not prepared for it?  How do you keep from feeling like you should have been there, in their final moments, holding them until their last breath?  How, when you didn't even know it was their time?

I know that some people might not understand my feelings, but anyone who has ever loved an animal would.  The loss is as great as that of a human.  This is a creature that I have taken as my own, cared for, and loved her for her entire life - and now I have lost her.  And I don't know how to heal the pain that I feel.  This little love, this adorable, loving, gentle-natured cat is now gone, and along with her a part of me.

I know that eventually I will heal and move on.  I know that one day I will awaken and life will be back to normal.  But not now.  Now I will quietly  her loss, and let the tears fall as long as necessary.

RIP My Beautiful Gypsy