Catering to Nobody (Goldy Schultz Book 1)

Author:  Diane Mott Davidson
Genre:   Mystery

Hardcover; Mass Market Paperback; Digital Book
ISBN #:  9780312042776; 9780553584707
Bantam Books
266 Pages
$21.23; $$7.19; $3.99 Amazon
July 1, 1990

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Catering a wake is not Goldy's idea of fun.  Yet the Colorado caterer throws herself into preparing a savory feast including Poached Salmon and Strawberry Shortcake Buffet designed to soothe the forty mourners.  And her culinary efforts seem to be exactly what the doctor ordered...until her ex-father-in-law gynecologist Fritz Korman is struck down and Goldy is accused of adding poison to the menu.  Now, with the Department of Health impounding her leftovers, her ex-husband proclaiming her guilt, and her business about to be shut down, Goldy knows she can't wait for the police to serve up the answers.  She'll soon uncover more than one family skeleton and veritable slew of unpalatable secrets - the kind that could make Goldy the main course in an unsavory killer's next murder!

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This is going to be one of the shortest reviews I've ever done, because I just couldn't stand Goldy.  So, instead of a traditional review, I'm just going to list the talking points that lead up to the reason I gave this book one star only, instead of leading in with an intro:

Goldy is a whiny, self- absorbed protagonist who allows her abusive ex-husband to continue to abuse her; she has an eleven-year-old son who is being bullied at school and she leaves him to work it out himself (and, I'm guessing, continue to be bullied) instead of informing the school to take measures or speak to the other boys' parents; she does nothing at all.

I found it odd that the recipes are in the middle of sentences!  Not at the end of chapters or even paragraphs - but in the middle of sentences.  Oh.  My.  God.  Also, who on earth puts mayonnaise in guacamole?  You have to wonder how far she'll go as a caterer with this recipe.

Her ex-husband is a well-heeled doctor but she doesn't make him pay child support on a regular basis even though she's struggling as a caterer to make ends meet.  She'd rather keep the peace than pay the bills!  She's never taken him to court about paying support on a regular basis, gotten a restraining order against him for physically assaulting her, nor told him never to speak to her that way again.  Her name should be on doormats sold countrywide.  But it's contradictory when she just tells people what to do, like taking her ex-mother-in-law's car and refusing to give it back.

She's not even conscientious as a caterer.  She runs out of supplies.  I'm a home cook and I check my cupboards and refrigerator on a regular basis, and if I'm running low I replenish, and if I use a can of anything I replace it the next time I go to the store! 

She allows her son to call his grandparents by their first names because apparently neither she nor her husband could teach him otherwise.  It might not bother others, but I find it disrespectful, the same as if they wouldn't call a teacher by their first name.  Her son also speaks and acts like he's twenty, not eleven.  It makes you wonder if the author has children of her own.

She's only investigating because her business is on the line, she doesn't really care otherwise, and she has no problem breaking into Laura's home and taking things, including smoking the dead woman's cigarettes; nor going through confidential patient files.

She's a horrible human being and unlikable in the extreme.  It makes you wonder how there are so many books in this series.  No, I will not read any more of them and I'm sorry I even read the first one.

https://www.amazon.com/Catering-Nobody-Goldy-Book-1/dp/0553584707/ref=

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2765680078

https://www.fantasticfiction.com/d/diane-mott-davidson/

A Deadly Grind (A Vintage Kitchen Mystery #1)

Author:  Victoria Hamilton
Genre:  Mystery

Mass Market Paperback; Audio CD; Digital Book
ISBN #:  9780425248010; 9781425617169
Berkley Publishing
303 Pages
$7.97; $27.07; $7.99 Amazon
May 1, 2012

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When vintage cookware and cookbook collector Jaymie Leighton spies an original 1920s Hoosier-brand kitchen cabinet at an estate auction, it's love at first sight.  Despite the protests of her sister, Rebecca, that the nineteenth-century yellow brick house they share in Michigan is already too cluttered with Jaymie's junk, she successfully outbids the other buyers and triumphantly takes home her Hoosier.

But that night on the summer porch, where she's left the Hoosier to be cleaned up, a man is murdered - struck on the head with the steel meat grinder that is part of the cabinet.  Who is this stranger, and what was he doing on their porch?  Does his death have anything to do with the Hoosier?

As the police struggle to determine the man's identity, Jaymie can't help doing a little digging on her own, accompanied by her three-legged Yorkie-Poo, Hopalong.  But in her bid to uncover the truth about the hidden secrets of the Hoosier, Jaymie may be the one who ends up going, going, gone...

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Jaymie Leighton spots an old Hoosier cabinet at a sale that she's attending with her sister Becca.  Even though Becca warns against it, Jaymie buys it - noting that a couple of people who were fighting at the time, missed the gavel and she won her item.

But when she gets it home she needs to figure out a way to get it out of her van.  Miraculously, a man appears out of the darkness, tells her he's staying at the local B&B, and helps her move her prized piece.  They leave it out on the porch for cleaning, and Jaymie and her sister then retire to bed.  But during the night they hear sounds, and Jaymie discovers a man near her cabinet, and he's dead. 

Not knowing who he is, Jaymie is willing to find out, especially when she figures out his death had something to do with the Hoosier.  But what is it, and can she find out before she becomes the next victim?...

This is the first book in the series, and unfortunately, it's going to be my last.  I'm even surprised I got as far as I did, and also surprised I didn't hurt myself from rolling my eyes so much.  There are so many sentences that are phrased as questions - almost like Jaymie is second-guessing everything that comes out of her mouth.  And I got really, really tired of hearing about Tea with the Queen.  Who cares? 

There were so many things wrong with this that it was hard to like the book, and to tell the truth, I wasn't able to finish it.  I read as far as I could and then I wound up just going to the back to find out who the killer was and why.  This is how boring this book was to me.

First off, Jaymie's ex-boyfriend Joel walked out on her two weeks before Christmas (!) without a word; he just left the house (what kind of a coward doesn't give a reason why?), and went to another girl.  Then, Jaymie meets the other woman, Heidi, and decides she's nice (!) and acts like everything is hunky-dory.  Really?  Honestly?  a) This is not a nice woman if she knows (which she had to) that the boyfriend was living with someone and she had no problem making a play for him in the first place.  How is this nice?  He has a girlfriend that he's living with and you think it's perfectly fine to date him?  Then, b) Jaymie has no problem being nice to her in return.  What woman do you know is going to be nice to the woman who stole your boyfriend?  A live-in boyfriend no less.  What kind of stupid do you have to be to do this? c) Jaymie's even nice to the ex-boyfriend.  Like it doesn't matter that he cheated on her, dumped her without a word just before Christmas.  Honestly?  Is she really this dumb?  She didn't want to punch him or even ask him why he left without a word?  What is wrong with this woman?

Plus, Jaymie starts worrying that Heidi will look beautiful for the Tea and since she'll be serving she'll look dowdy next to Heidi and Joel will see her and compare them.  So she's obsessing about the man who left her for another woman and worries that he'll compare the both of them.  Say what?  Oh, and I have another tidbit of news for Jaymie:  She might drink Tetley tea (brought all the way from Canada as she felt the need to tell us), but you can buy it anywhere in the states and it's lousy tea.  (Sorry, this book irritated me so much I felt the need to throw that in).

When she brings the cabinet home, a stranger shows up out of nowhere, gives her a story as to why he's there, and she buys it without question (which is odd, considering she was questioning everything else during the book).  Then this guy even asks her if she has an alarm system, and lo and behold, no alarms go off in her head that something's fishy about it.

She discovers a clue to the murder, but instead of calling the police immediately she decides to work in her garden for awhile.  Huh?  I also got tired of hearing about the summer porch. It's a porch, plain and simple.  You explained it once, that's enough.  Most people say front porch or back porch, I've never heard anyone say summer porch.  Does that make her front porch the winter porch?  Do they only use it in winter?  At any rate, the things she does defy explanation.  It's as if her brain is wired wrong and she can't think properly.

Life is too short to waste on bad books, so my first foray into this series will be my last.  I would suggest that you skip this series and move on to something that actually makes sense and doesn't talk about irrelevant things and repetitive details.

https://www.amazon.com/Deadly-Grind-Vintage-Kitchen-Mystery/dp/0425248011/

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2765599772

More on Victoria Hamilton's Books:  https://www.fantasticfiction.com/h/victoria-hamilton/