Friday, June 27, 2014

Paw Enforcement

Author:  Diane Kelly
Genre:  Mystery

Two Stars

Officer Luz is lucky she still has a job after tasering a male colleague where it counts the most.  Sure, he had it coming-which is why the police chief is giving Megan a second chance.  The catch?  Her new partner can't carry a gun, can't drive a cruiser, and can't recite the Miranda Rights.  Because her new partner is a big, furry police dog.  So that's what the chief meant when he called Megan's partner a real b*tch.

With Brigit out on the beat, Megan is writing up enough tickets to wallpaper the whole station.  But when a bomb goes off at the mall's food court, it's up to Megan and Brigit to start digging-and sniffing-for clues.  With the help of dead-sexy bomb-squad expert Seth Rutledge and his own canine partner named Blast, Megan finds herself in a desperate race to collar a killer.  Will justice be served-or will she end up in the doghouse?


Megan Luz tasers her partner, Derek "Big Dick" Mackey in the place it will hurt the most.  Why?  Because he was making sexual remarks to her all day, and when she collared a woman for crystal meth, he suggested that the two of them basically give him a sex show using her digits, if you get my drift...this should have been my first clue, but I kept reading...

So, after she tases him, he runs to their chief; and when she tries to defend her actions, she's partnered with a dog the chief calls a "b*tch."  Hmmm...Derek cop is obviously sexist, and because he's 'brave,' they keep him on in the department with no reprimand of any kind.  Megan, however, is in effect punished by becoming a K-9 officer...with no training...and no police car...(which she gets later on, but not the night she needs either); she takes the dog home in her 'smart car,' in which he doesn't really fit nor has any kind of restraint.  Did I mention this is in Fort Worth, Texas?  Where there's a huge police force and I'm sure they can locate a police car for her somewhere?

On top of that, she takes the dog home to her 'tiny apartment.'  I'm pretty sure no one with a small apartment would be assigned a 97 pound dog as a partner.  They need room to run, and are usually kept in outdoor kennels.  Not small cages, which is where she tries to make Brigit sleep, and what follows is a very unfunny (inane) scenario.  As if that weren't bad enough, she takes the dog out to the apartment pool and goes swimming with her.  Didn't anyone tell Megan that you can't have dogs go swimming in apartment pools?  There are laws.  The hair could clog the equipment, and there are people who are allergic to dogs who might want to use that pool.  I love dogs, but an apartment pool?  Not likely.  If that were so, then every complex that allowed animals would have their pools filled with them.

Then, the dog chases a squirrel.  That's right, folks; a trained police dog..chases..a..squirrel.  This dog has no self-control - it is a police dog, right?  It obviously has no control of any kind, considering she puts her paws on the window of a pet store - I'm pretty sure police dogs are trained better than that.  Megan also mentioned that "while on duty she window-shopped, looked for bargains on sale racks and sampled testers at Macy's."  Another this what the taxpayer's money is going for?  Maybe the chief should have fired her when he had the chance.  Plus, obviously she has no patrol route, because she decided on her own to patrol the mall, even though 'they had their own security team.'  And she spends a lot of time at the mall.  I live in a big city, and I've never seen a police officer patroling any of the malls.  She's right;  they do have their own security, and the cops are only called in an emergency.

She lets us know Brigit is misbehaved (chewing on Megan's things when Brigit is angry), and that her days are spent patroling the mall (which I've already covered).  But the worst is when she starts picking on the Catholic religion.  I am not Catholic, but I would never denigrate anyone's religion or beliefs.  I was completely offended by some of the things she said, especially comparing herself to the Son of God. (Yes, she did).  AND she takes the dog to church with her!  Who does that?  Are you kidding me?  Dogs in church?  This isn't a helper dog, it's a POLICE DOG!!!

I gave it two stars because the author is obviously trying, but for a first attempt, it's a pretty poor one.  By the end of the book, I really didn't care about the bomber or anything else.  Too many unbelievable scenarios.  One of the last scenes has a particularly distasteful exchange with Mackey; something I seriously hope will never happen on our police department - because if that's how she proves she's a good cop, then it's a sad statement indeed.  Hopefully the next in the series will improve, with Megan actually acting like a police officer and not some teenager hanging out at the mall.

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